Cattitude

The Cat Who Kept Writing Home from the Rainbow Bridge

BIO:

Transcript:

Hello, feline friends. Welcome to Cattitude. I'm your show host, Michelle Fern.

And, you know, this is something that affects every, well, it's every pet parent, but I think it affects us cat parents maybe a little more. We don't talk enough about what happens when our cats, you know, leave us. They're always with us in our hearts, but their lifetime, if you get to 20 years, you're really, really lucky.

So my guest today has written a book that is just amazing. And I think it is, also, it's a wonderful book for anyone that has, you know, gone through the passing of their cat recently. So stay tuned.

We'll be right back. Welcome back, everyone. I'd like to welcome the author of Echoes from the Rainbow Bridge, Josephine Spence.

Welcome, Josephine. Good afternoon. Hi, how are you? I'm great.

I'm so happy to have you on again. So we talked last time about your book, about your cat. Am I saying this right? Ankyo? Ankyo? Yes, correct.

Ankyo. Ankyo. And you've written since another book called Echoes from the Rainbow Bridge.

What inspired this book? Well, Ankyo was very special to me. He spent 19 years with me. And when I first wrote initial book called A Cat's Tale, and I thought that was going to be helping me overcome the loss and the grief.

However, I since realized when a cat passes, or when they go to Rainbow Bridge, they don't disappear because the spirit is around. And I've been very, very, very much missing her since she passed away. Even though the first book was written and completed, I, whether it's true or not, perhaps it's in my imagination, I kept thinking that I'm receiving messages or signs from her.

So in order for me to get over the silence of the house, I started to jot down little notes or letters to Ankyo. And each day I write a letter, I felt better. And I saved all those letters and notes in a see-through cookie jar.

And I put them in envelopes and as if I did receive physical letters from Ankyo. And lo and behold, the letters collected, I have 37 letters from her. And I read it and I thought, hey, why don't I share this precious experience with people who are going through pet loss, because it did help me a lot.

For those that don't know, because there might be some listeners out there that have not heard this before, what is the Rainbow Bridge and what does it represent to you personally? Because people say all the time whenever a pet passes on, oh, they're over the Rainbow Bridge and all that. But a lot of people might not know what it is other than they've just heard the term Rainbow Bridge. Correct.

I was the same. Before Ankyo passed away, I wasn't that familiar with Rainbow Bridge. And the day when Ankyo passed, a good friend of mine texted me the story or the poem of Rainbow Bridge written by Edna a long, long time ago.

And it really touched me. To me, the Rainbow Bridge represents hope. It is a place where I imagine all our loved animals, beloved animals go after they pass away in this world.

And they are waiting there healthy and waiting there with happiness and anticipation until the day we meet again. It is a promise of eternal life and eventual reunion between a human and pet. Whether you believe it or not, it actually helped me immensely knowing that there's a place that Ankyo did end up after we cremated her.

It represents something very deep to me. And I believe the concept of Rainbow Bridge, it's not religious. It is not a kind of specific cult or anything.

It is just a concept of being able to reunite with your loved ones. Right. And I think it's sweet.

It's special. It's pet focused. You know, it's only about your pets.

It's not about humans at all, except for you joining them. So I like it for that reason a lot. And I do like that there's no other religious connotation other than that you'll meet your pet someday, which I don't think is religious really at all.

I think it's hopeful. I agree with you so much. Why do you think the bond between humans and cats are so profound, even for people that are not really cat people? Even though I have a cat show and I've had cats for going on close to 20 years, my first pet was a dog.

So I'm a cat person and I'm a dog person. Sorry, cat lovers. I love cats.

I want to do whatever I can for them. But I like dogs, too. So I would say I'm both.

But it took me a while to learn about my cat because I had dogs growing up as a child and as a young adult. So my first cat, Dennis, found me. Yeah, I remember Dennis.

Yeah, he's still cranking. He's got to be like 19. And I think he does have nine lives.

Oh, maybe more. Maybe more. I hope so.

He's amazing. Well, for those who are more familiar with dogs or other pets, cats have a very special way of entering our lives in a very quiet, sophisticated way. And then they'll end up completely taking over our lives and hearts.

At least that's what Onkyo did to me. I, for a start, was highly allergic to cats. Onkyo was not my cat.

It was my daughter's cat. And when my daughter went to college, she became my substitute daughter, if you like. Nice way to put it.

Yes. And cats don't always demand attention. They're happy just to sit next to you or sleep next to you.

And Onkyo often looked at me with very beautiful green eyes. And somehow I don't think she judges me as such. And she just liked being with me unconditionally, provided I feed her, I guess.

They don't care about my wealth, my title, or how educated I am. They just simply love you in the purest way. That's how I feel about cats.

I think they are very, very special, unique in that respect. Independent and yet very dependent at the same time. Very true.

And right now, I am going through... So Molly's one of our cats. And right now, I have to do some special care for her that the vet said you must do certain things and it's not pleasant. So I'm not going to go into detail.

So it's always difficult. And I think, oh gosh, she's going to hate me and swipe and everything. But if she's not happy, she yowls a little bit while doing it.

And then while I'm cleaning her up and then she'll run away. And then after a little while, she'll come back. And I think somehow I'm thinking she knows that she doesn't like it and she could complain.

But what I'm doing is for her benefit. Yes, correct. I'm creating.

So they give us signals. Yes. And it's funny.

But when I'm talking to her and telling her this is why I'm doing it, in my mind, she understands me. Not 100% sure if she does, but I think she does. So that works.

I agree with you. They know you. They know your heart.

They know. It's for her own good. Okay.

So your book was in the format of letters from your cat, Ongkyo. Why did you choose to write it in that way? Well, I wanted Ongkyo to have a voice. After all, she was quite a chatterbox.

I wanted readers to feel as though they were receiving letters from their own pet as well. Because the letters allow me to imagine Ongkyo telling me things. And she give me the update as to where she is.

And all the things that she wrote to me are the things that I needed to hear. One of the stupid things that I had in my mind was when she passed away, I was very worried that she might get lost. But she never left the house.

She was a 100% house cat. And I was very concerned, quite rightly, I guess, she would have missed her train, the Heavenly Express to Rainbow Bridge. And after she passed, I kept asking the Lord, did she arrive? Have you got her? Did she catch the train? And the imaginary letters confirmed to me and assure me that she did arrive.

And that's why I wrote it in the format that I did. It's more confirmation from Ongkyo. Hey, mommy, I'm okay.

Yes. And I think it's very sweet how you wrote it. I really like it a lot.

What would you tell listeners that are listening to you, and they've recently maybe experienced the loss of their beloved cat? What message would you hope they take away once they read your book? Yeah, very important. I want all the readers to understand pet loss grief is real. You don't have to hide your grief.

Pet loss grief is so tangible and should not be marginalized. When you lose a pet who has been part of your life and your family so many years, the loss is very tangible, it's real. And you don't have to hide your grief.

If you feel like crying, go for it. If you feel like laughing, go for it. Because you should never stop calling out your cat's name or your dog's name because they are still around when they're gone.

Their spirit is hanging around and looking after me. Animals, they don't choose to come into our life so that we go through the pain of losing them. They come to our life to teach us how to love.

That's what I feel about having a cat or a dog. Okay, thanks. You talked about some signs that cats can give us when you mentioned it with the letters and so forth.

Josephine, what are some healthy ways that people can honor and celebrate the life of a cat that they lost? Not everyone is a wonderful author like yourself, but what are some other things people can do if they just lost their pet or maybe not just, maybe it's been months and they're feeling this sorrow, they're feeling a little bit, just that sadness. What would you suggest? I would suggest if they feel like talking about their pet, they should continue to talk about it. I know a lot of people find it socially awkward to talk about a pet.

For those who don't have pet or never have that connection, for example, the first week my cat passed away, someone, a friend of mine would say to me, oh, it's only a cat. You get another one. Those words are not right.

Those words hurt. You should always understand and fulfill your need to talk about your passing cat or a cat is no longer physically with you. By remembering them and talking about them, at least for me, it helped me heal.

It helps me confirm that this cat has never left me. One of the things that I do is, Onkyo used to stay right near the garage door every day when I came in from yoga lessons and she'll be there waiting for me faithfully. So the rug that she used to sit on, I refuse to have it clean.

I still have it near my door. And I actually put a photograph of her and her ash in that corner. And every day when I come through the door, I smile because I know she's greeting me still.

I have to say, I have many times tried to fill up her water bowl again, knowing that there's no need for that anymore. But being able to remember them the way they used to be helped big time. Don't be shy.

Don't let people belittle your pet lost grief because there's no one who can tell you how to grieve. It is your way of expressing your emotion. You should never accept people trying to tell you to forget about your pet and move on.

Let's get another cat. That's not the right way to grieve. Everybody grief differently.

Yes, I absolutely agree with you. It's almost like when people say to humans, like somebody was, you know, if they've lost a loved one, and they're older, oh, well, they live so many years. It doesn't change the grieving and the horror that they're still that they're gone.

Same for your pet. You know, I've had some people say, well, you know, your your cat lived, you know, well, I did have a younger cat outside past Sammy past she was only about six. But it was a little different of a relationship because she was outdoors and part feral.

It wasn't quite the same. But I've had this kind of grief, but it was a long time ago. So as the dog, I had a hole in my heart, and I still think about her.

But I had to get, you know, another dog right away, and adopt another dog. And I did it during a hurricane because I live in Fort Lauderdale. So it was during a hurricane.

Oh, everything was closing. So our first night together was in a hurricane. But some people feel that they can't they can't adopt right now they need a break, or it's not, it's just not feasible.

So that's whatever worry works for you is what you should do. Oh, we all know that grief has no schedule, right? It comes and go and in a random manner. But I highly recommend that it's important to talk about them, say their name, tell their stories, laugh about the funny thing they used to do.

Grieving is a natural process. It is something not to be ashamed of. If you remember something that makes you laugh, go for it.

Not everybody can write, but they can talk about their cats. If they feel they want to talk about it, go for it. Say their name, tell their stories.

Absolutely. And you're right. Grieving is healthy.

Internalizing is not. We're going to take a short break and we'll be right back. Welcome back, everyone.

We're talking with Josephine Spence. She is the author of Cat's Tale and Echoes from the Rainbow Bridge. So Josephine, without giving too much away, is there a story in the book that still makes you emotional today? Absolutely, yes.

In the book, Chapter 3, the title is Butterfly Season. When I wrote that chapter, it was very painful. As you know, cats love to jump up and down, chase butterflies.

We live on a farm. We have butterfly season. To me, when they come to our farm, it's a sign that Onkyo is sending me some messages.

The day when Onkyo was passing, very, very, very last day, I took her out to my backyard barn to say goodbye to the horses. A butterfly happened to land on one of the ponies' nose. And that is something unique.

And when Onkyo passed away, I forgot to cancel her cat food delivery. And that day was tough because the UPS man just dumped the stuff. And I said, oops, I forgot to cancel the delivery.

And so I have to go out to the barn to look out for some, you know, little moment in memory of her chasing butterfly. That chapter touched me big time. The other chapter is 32, the first Christmas Eve without Onkyo.

Onkyo always loves Christmas trees. And she has a habit of hiding under Christmas tree as soon as it's lit up. And the very first time that we have to put our Christmas tree up without Onkyo, it was very tough, very tough.

And I'm sure the pain will continue every year. So those are the two chapters that makes me very emotional, even talking about them. Okay, thank you.

I hope it didn't bring up too much sadness just now. When we think about our cats, they're all very unique. So my three all have very, very distinct personalities and playfulness.

And they're just all three so different. How important was it for you to really capture Onkyo's quirks and characteristics in your writing? It's very, very important. Extremely important.

In fact, Onkyo wasn't just a cat. She was more like a person, a human. She had her own personality, her own preferences, her own routines.

And she was very opinionated. So she's quite a peculiar cat, if you like. I wanted the readers to feel that she's a real person, a real character with a real uniqueness.

That's what makes our pet special, right? We don't love our pets for any reason. We love them because they are one particular pet. They have their own way.

Their quirks, their intelligence are always unforgettable. Even people who are not a cat person, eventually they want to realize what a cat can heal, can give to your life. For example, my husband, in the book we call him Dada.

He was never a cat person. He's more like you, more like a dog person. But he was converted after Onkyo passed away, to be honest.

He became probably one of the best cat father when Onkyo was being sick. And he was the one who fed her medication because I couldn't bring myself to do it. You know, the struggle, the cat just don't want to take medication.

My husband did that all for me. Thank goodness. That is huge.

Yes, they're not easy to give medication, to clean. I know firsthand, I'm doing that with Molly right now. Not easy.

And as soon as I put the glove on, she knows so I have to be sneaky. So we talked about this a little bit earlier, but let's talk about adopting another cat. Some people feel guilty because they feel like this cat might be replacing the other one.

Some people like myself, my shared experience was actually with my dog. It was a while ago, but it was just me and her. And then when she passed, I had to get another one.

I was so lonely. And so I literally looked everywhere for a week and went back to the same place I looked at, picked up Mr. Zeus on Sunday morning, the hurricane came the next morning, like, I think two in the morning. So that's how that experience was.

But some people, they're not ready, or they just can't face losing their fur babe again. I think either way you do whatever is good for you. Did you get another cat? No, I cannot and will not.

I would say that my cat Ankit was irreplaceable. One should never look to replace the one that passed because we shouldn't. It is not comparable.

Every cat is different. They live in a different part of our heart. However, loving another cat doesn't mean you do not love the one who passed away.

It's different. It's different. You can choose to have another cat, but you must not compare them.

You must not try to replace them because that's not fair. And also don't rush. Don't rush into getting another cat.

Get it when the time is right. I'm waiting for a signal from Ankit from Rainbow Bridge to tell me I may adopt another cat. If he says no, I won't.

And I respect that. That's a good way to do it. I mean, for me, okay, I was a little selfish.

I was really lonely. But you can't, you're right. You can't replace the love for one for another.

It doesn't fill that same hole. But I believe that as humans, we have a lot of love. There's a lot of different types of love.

So for me, it's just expanding that. But I understand and appreciate those that are, you know what, I'm not ready. I don't know when I'll be ready.

And let's, you know, let me see. I respect how someone else feels. It's basically that.

If you're not ready, you're not ready. And yeah, you shouldn't have one as a replacement. Nothing replaces another thing exactly.

You know, talking with live beings, it just doesn't. So yeah, don't go in like it's filling a void like that. But yeah, and you also don't have to feel guilty if you get another cat.

Just try not to replace it. Yeah, don't have to feel guilty. Right.

Now, every cat could leave their human with one final message. What do you think it would be? Oh, Ankit would definitely say, thank you, mommy, for loving me. Please don't remember me for the day that passed.

But remember me all those fun days we had together. And I think they also say, don't spend the rest of your life crying, though, because I'm gone. Don't cry all the time.

You should be remembering the happy times as well and the silly things that your pet did for you. I hope whenever you think of your pet, you also will smile instead of crying all the time. And that's what I imagine Ankit would say to me.

Ankit has some good advice for you. Yes. He was very wise.

Yes. What do you think? Sometimes, you know, as humans, we don't really live in the present. And cats absolutely do.

What do you think cats could teach us about living in the present and living in the moment and feeling emotions that we, as humans, forget? My experience, cats are very incredibly good at being present. They don't worry about yesterday. They don't worry about what you fed them yesterday with.

And they don't worry about tomorrow. They are very, very today. If they're hungry, they eat.

If they're tired, they sleep. If they want affection, they come sit next to you. They teach us how to slow down and appreciate what is right in front of us.

One of the greatest things I learned from my Ankit is that you need not to run all the time. You may slow down and walk. And Ankit would love it if I catch up with more sleep, more rest, because after all, that's what Ankit used to do.

She eats, sleeps, and eats, sleeps again. Yes, that's their job. That's what they do.

Yeah. What surprised you the most while writing Echoes from the Rainbow Bridge? What surprised me was how emotional I was when I was writing the book. I went in with the idea of being humorous and write about fun things, but certain chapters did become very hard to write.

Let me ask you, was it cathartic? It was very peaceful for me. It helped me relieve a lot of pain. And I understand every word I wrote, I was working through my grief.

And there's no denying that. I did cry when I wrote some of the interesting chapters, but on balance, I laughed a lot as well. I laughed a lot of the funny things she did.

And I wrote the letters with a great sense of humor because Ankit was also a very funny cat. I felt when I was writing, she was guiding me. And I try not to use big words.

I try to keep the letters short and sweet. As a cat, she's not highly educated. She's not gonna write a PhD dissertation.

So I tried to write the book almost like a childlike manner. So this book is suitable for anyone, a little kid who's just lost their pet as well, because it's written in simple English with tons of humor injected. So it was a great experience.

Would I do it again? Yes. If I ever get more signs from Ankit, I will start putting it on pen and paper and start storing those letters again. I was surprised that I got through the book.

But I think this book will help a lot of grieving pet parents or pet children who just don't understand where their loved one had gone. I hope this book helps them heal and help people recover from their grief. Now, let's talk about, because you alluded a little about another book.

If there was another book, if Ankit gave you a sign for a third book, what do you think it would be about? Oh, that's a great question. I would say if Ankit gave me a sign and gave me permission to go traveling around the world, because when she was around, I couldn't leave her much. She would probably come traveling with me.

I would imagine Ankit would come back as a traveling cat. I imagine putting her on a backpack and take her around Tokyo, Singapore, Egypt. It could be a traveling cat book.

That would be a fun book. Yes. I want to keep her memory alive.

I see a lot of cats are pretty good at flying as well. I would imagine Ankit sitting in the first class seat going to Singapore. I could see that.

I've actually sat next to cats before flying. Yeah, it happens. It's actually, it was, I think, the third seat the person had been in.

Apparently, a lot of people have cat allergies. Who knows? Anyways, so your book, Josephine, is called Echoes from the Rainbow Bridge. Where can our listeners find your book? The book is now, the paper version is actually available on Amazon, and also the Kindle version is available as well.

The audio book is being produced right now. When it comes out, it will be on Audible, Spotify, all over all the podcast channels. So right now, only paper and Kindle is available on Amazon.

You can just type in books by Josephine Spence, and it should pop up. Or else you can go to my website, josephinespencewithoutspace.com. You will find the book's details and links to where to find the book. Josephine, I want to thank you so much for coming on Cattitude, and I wish you the best success for Echoes from the Rainbow Bridge.

And I am, I think Ankie is going to send you a sign, and there will be a third book. I hope so. I hope so.

Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Thank you, Michelle.

Bye-bye. I hope you all enjoyed this show. It's always a pleasure having Josephine on the show.

That's Josephine Spence and her book. She's written The Cat's Tale and Echoes from the Rainbow Bridge. So thank you, Josephine, for coming back on Cattitude.

Thank you to my listeners for just keeping Cattitude so popular and listening and referring people. My goal is to just educate people, let people know different things, just do all I can to make the feline world even better. So thank you, listeners, for being loyal and for sharing Cattitude.

I appreciate it so much. And, you know, the show wouldn't be the same without my cat crew. Thank you, Dennis, Charlotte, and Molly for all you do.

You know, I learn new things from them every day. And as a human, it's important to learn. They keep me on my toes, and that's a good thing.

And then, of course, the show would not be near what it is without the wonderful producing of Mark Winter. He does an amazing job producing my show. So thank you so much, Mark.

And hey, remember, lose the attitude, have Cattitude.